Tom Nook killed the Health Inspector!
by Bliss77
Summary: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. If you thought chapter one was hiliarious, you will be devoured by your own laughter at Chapter Two...Wait, that's discusting! Never mind! Just R&R without dieing of laughter, lol!
1. Chapter 1

Tom Nook killed the Health Inspector!

Chapter One-

It was another ordinary day in town of RippleSqueak, and what I mean by that is it was another completely pointless and stupid day in the town of RippleSqueak. Tortimer actually sold his first work-out video, teaching you how farting is a great exercise for attracting women, Pate won the ugliest Animal Crossing charater award, and Tiffany threw rocks at orphans. Now we are going to see what the heck is going on at Nookingtons...

"Timmy! Go and clean the bathroom!" commanded Nook.

"But we don't have bathrooms! All the animals crap on the floor! You've owned this shop for 20 years yet don't know where animals crap themselves?!" cried Timmy.

"I'VE NEVER SEEN ANY CRAP ON THE FLOOR!"

"I know why you've haven't seen your wonderful crap," said Tommy entering the room, "Harriet always eats it."

"Oh, so that's why she is so fat, brown, and ugly!" said Nook in shock.

"Why are you commanding us the clean the place like people with cleaning disorders?" asked Timmy.

"You don't know?! The British are coming, the British are coming- Wait, no, the health inspector is coming, and he is going to tie us to chairs and throw bricks at us- Err, no, he's just going to inspect our humble shop, and we must make everything nice and tidy, or he will eat my secret twinkie stash- Umm, I mean throw us out..."

The twin raccons gasped. "Then where will we eat? Where will we sleep? Where will we secretly read Uncle Nook's diary- Umm, I mean read the Bible...?"

Tom Nook looked at them suspiciously and then resumed their child labor. "Now, you, Tommy, go and get Bob out of here before he eats that burrito and makes this place smell like some sewage plant." he said.

Tommy grabbed Bob and threw him out the window. "Wheeeeeeeee!" Bob shreiked. He crashed threw the Able Sisters window.

"OH DEAR GOD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" cried Tom Nook as he hid behind a fishing pole ( How concealing... ). Timmy and Tommy ran into each other and fainted. Harriet came out of her work place to see what the heck was going on. "BOYS! BOYS! CLOSE YOUR EYES! IF YOU LOOK AT HER YOU'LL TURN TO STONE!"

And of course, Tommy looked at her and turned to stone.

"SOMEONE, FOR THE LOVE OF MICHEAL JACKSON, GO GIVE THAT BOY A MCDONALDS HAPPY MEAL TO CURE HIM!" cried Nook as the Able sisters entered the room. Sable had a Tom Nook shirt, a Tom Nook hat, Tom Nook's under-wear, and a boquet of roses. On the other hand, Mabel had a machine gun, a bullet proof vest that can electrify people, a hat with a lazer beam thing and 'I HATE TANOOKIS!' symbol on it, and sun glasses.

"Oh no! It's my two worst nightmares! Sable the stalker and Mabel the murder! Like a extremely bad fanfiction!" he cried.

"Tom Nook, will you marry me?" asked Sable. "Tom Nook, may I put your head in a blender then feed you to Bob?" asked Mabel.

"NO AND NO!" screamed Nook Nook. Suddenly, the door openend and the health inspector came in. Then the lights went off. There was a scream, a gun-shot, and someone farted. Then they clicked on, and all to be seen was everything exactly the same except for a dead health inspector and Tom Nook holding all of Mabel's ammo. "Oh no..."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews!

Chapter Two-

Everybody stood still watching the horrific scene unfold dramatically, except Harriet who was devouring the McDonald's happy meal lying on the floor. She disturbingly stuffed 17 chicken nuggets into her ugly fat mouth every nano second. Sable, not realizing this would be the most stupid moment to propose, proposed to Nook the 647,852,493rd time, which Nook completely ignored. Meanwhile Timmy put his hands over his mouth in terror, seeing the health inspector dead on the floor, Mabel was standing around innocently watching a butterfly through the window, so innocent-looking that I the author is not sure that she killed the inspector, and Bob was back again trying to eat a rusty pipe.

"Oh god," said Tom Nook in terror, "HOT POTATO!"

He threw the lethal weapons into the air. Harriet, who had eating the whole happy meal including the toy and box, jumped up an ate them. "EWW!" she said as she vomited them on Tommy.

The impact of the vomit, drool, and spit made Tommy crash to the floor, making his stone body parts fly everywhere. One flew out a window and nearly killed Poncho. "Ahh! Flying stone body part things falling from the sky!" he screamed running toward the police station.

The lethal weapons flew into the air again and Mabel got them. "Timmy, HAVE A HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!" she said as she handed them to Timmy.

"It's not my birthday, AND I SAID I WANTED A PONY!" he cried as he threw them up into the air AGAIN. They landed on the health inspector. Now since he was a whale blood squirted up from his nozzle, with such sickening force that they...Oh do I really need to say it? They went up in the air...ONCE AGAIN...and Sable caught them. She thought this would make a simply delightful 647,852,493 proposal gift, and gave it back to Nook.

Well, this process went on for a three hours until Mabel gave them to Bob. "ARE YOU MAD?! YOU KNOW HOW...UN-STABLE...BOB IS!" said Tom Nook snatching them from Bob. Suddenly, Copper and Booger- I mean Booker entered the scene.

"A concerned resident said that there was a pretty mean looking shovel around here..." he said as he looked around. Poncho and Booker were behind him. They saw the random shovel on the wall first. They gasped, they peed themselves, crapped themselves, peed themselves again, then started screaming like terrified 3-year-olds, and ran away. Cooper merely flinched at the appearance of the gangsta-looking shovel, then grabbed it and started hitting it at the wall.

"SPEAK YOU SHOVEL, SPEAK! WE KNOW YOU STOLE THE NEWEST EDITION OF TORTIMER'S 'HOW TO FART' VIDEO, WHEN IT WASN'T EVEN RELEASED INTO THEATERS!" he yelled. Everybody stared at him, even the dead health inspector did somehow. Timmy slowly grabbed the shovel and threw it out the window. "Ahh! My butt-cheek!" moaned Poncho from outside, "The shovel is stuck in my butt-cheek!"

"I'll call 911!" said Booker as he took out his hot-pink cell-phone with stickers of potatoes in bikinis. A few minutes later a ambulance appeared, and Poncho was saying his last words to his neighbors, and-

"WHAT THE CRAP?!" asked Timmy, rudely interrupting the supremely superb narrator, "HOW CAN A SHOVEL FIT INTO SOMONE'S BUT CHEEK?! I HEARD OF BUTT CRACK, BUT A CHEEK?! OH COME ON!"

A couple minutes later after the absurd butt-crack-

"Butt cheek!"

WHATEVER! A couple minutes later after the absurd BUTT-CHEEK incident, Copper directed his attention to the situation happening in the actual plot of the story...

"Hmm..." he said looking around. "So, it seems Timmy put on a dress causing the health inspector to explode..." Mabel looked at him in shock for a moment, then yelled angrily "NO! TOM NOOK KILLED THE HEALTH INSPECTOR! SEE ALL THE LETHAL WEAPONS I GAVE HIM- I MEAN HE STOLE FROM ME- No, I MEAN HE ORDERED OFF why would have lethal-"

"Oh! So looks like I'll have to arrest Tom Nook..." said Copper. Timmy gasped. "No, it was Mabel! Her innocent looking butter-fly staring method is utter baloney!"

"NO IT ISN'T!"

"YES IT IS!"

"YOUR MOM!"

"YOUR MOM IN A CAN!"

"YOUR MOM IN A CAN OF MEOW MIX!"

Timmy gasped again, and knelled down to floor and started crying.

"That was harsh."

"Seriously Mabel, it was."

"You should really apologize."

"Yea."

"WHATEVER! CAN WE GO BACK TO THE PLOT?!" she screamed. Copper was about to book Nook ( That rhymed! ), but Tom Nook dropped the weapons and ran outside. Timmy followed picking up his twin's stone body parts and putting them into a Easter basket. Sable, Harriet, Mabel, and Copper followed too.

"Where will we go?" asked Timmy to his uncle worriedly.

"I don't know Timmy, I don't know. Maybe McDonald's to cure Tommy..."

So, screaming for their lives, they ran unto McDonald's, not knowing what horrors await them at the fast-food joint...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

After a half an hour running around like a mad man, Tom Nook finally realized there was no freaking McDonald's in Animal Crossing. "Crap!" he yelled, "They include a Coffee Shop that has completely no purpose other than drinking something that a deranged pigeon supposedly pees in and a naked dog who comes every Saturday night singing like a cat getting burned in lava!"

Timmy gasped and dropped to his knees, letting the Easter basket filled with his twin's stone body parts spill all over the grass. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" asked Nook as he frantically put the body parts back into the basket, "WE HAVE NO TIME TO DRAMATICALLY FALL TO OUR KNEES! THEY COULD SPOT US ANY MINUTE AND PUT US IN JAIL, OR EVEN WORSE...MAKE US WATCH RE-RUNS OF MY GYM PARTNER IS A MONKEY! OH THE HORROR!" he cried.

"But...Uncle Nook...the coffee shop..." Timmy said, trembling all over trying to get up, "I DRINK AT THAT PLACE EVERY MORNING!"

Tom Nook froze and looked slowly at Timmy. "I...don't know you anymore..." he spat in disgust. "Only humans go to that...place, if you could call it a place, I would call it American Idol Rewind, but now we are drifting into parallel universe filled with hot dogs and tooth paste-"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" asked Timmy loudly.

"...I really have no idea..." Tom Nook was staring out in space.

"...This story is really getting weird..."

Suddenly, some shouts were heard from the distance. "COME BACK! COME BACK!" yelled Copper, "WE NEED TO ARREST YOU EVEN TOUGH WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE!"

"YES NOOK, PLEASE COME BACK! I NEED TO PROPOSE TO YOU...AGAIN!" cried Sable.

"FAT OLD RACCOON TURD, I NEED MY WEAPONS BACK SO I CAN MURDER YOU!" shrieked Mabel.

"WHY WOULD I COME BACK IF YOU ALL ARE GOING TO ARREST ME, MURDER ME, AND STALK ME? DO YOU PEOPLE REALLY BELIEVE I AM THAT RETARDED?!"

"Well, actually Uncle Nook, they are animals, not people-"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I REALLY CARE?! UGH! IS THERE ANY WAY OUT OF THIS FREAKING GAME?!" he screamed.

In the real world...

Random Teenage Boy: Hmm...I'm bored. To occupy my boyish teenage mind, I will have to destroy something .

Random Teenage Boy notices random little brother's DS on table.

Random Teenage Boy: Aha! This will occupy me!

Random Teenage Boy breaks DS in half. Game was still on. Random little brother comes running in room, crying and yelling that he just completed the museum five minutes ago than had to pee. Random Teenage Boy does not care, but suddenly...

"WHERE THE HECK AM I?!"

Dun dun dun duuuuuuun...


End file.
